I have overcome some serious stuff in my life that I have and have not talked about in this blog, I want to take this to a more in depth place right now…
I have lived with Advanced Promelocytic Myeloid Leukemia subtype M3 since I was 26 years old…
I have been overweight most of my life and have succeeded in loosing over eighty pounds since January 2011…
I lost a son in 1996.
I have been dancing around the truth concerning my private life out of fear of who it might hurt and what people might think…
I have overcome Diabetes and high Blood Pressure, two illnesses that have held me mentally captive since I was a kid. Watching my Dad's UNcle die from Diabetes and several other family members die from heart problems I have been petrified of them for most of my life, and being diagnosed with both at the same time woke me up!
I have worked very hard to get to a place in my life where my career would flourish, and it is finally flourishing!!!
I have helped raise the most amazing daughter in the history of the world!
I have found someone that I find interesting and fun to be around. I am getting to know this person and feel really good about how things are going!
SO now I want to know why I let a picture of me, taken twelve weeks ago, make me so angry… Why am I allowing this to affect me this way?
Through all of the things in my life, good and bad, I have had a huge problem being patient enough to endure. I have given up and given in when I should have worked a little harder and waited a little longer for slightly better results.
Today I talked to three people about my feelings and my life.
The first person was my trainer, who could tell I was feeling down about the slow progress and reassured me and promised to be there to see me through the physical part of this journey and completely made me feel like I was his most important client! GREAT GUY!!!
The second person I talked to was a relative that has advanced certification and an amazing amount of knowledge about nutrition. He (while on vacation) took time in the middle of a thirty mile bike ride, to talk to me and get a feel for what I am going through and even sent me some material that helped me see the reality behind what I am undertaking by changing my life. I AM CHANGING MY LIFE…IT is going to take a long time to do this and I may never see the body I want to see in the mirror. I may never have the self esteem to be able to see my own self worth, but one thing is for DAMN sure…I will never stop seeking it!
I will never go back to the person I was, the person that didn’t care, that was scared to continue that would rather die than persevere.
The third person that I talked to was a friend; someone I have been wanting to say something too for a while, but something was holding me back… I am glad I did it too!!!
I don’t know what happened to me this evening; I don’t know what happened to me earlier when I was so discouraged. I do know that I reached out to some people that could help me and they didn’t let me down!
I am taking a step back, taking deep breath, smiling again and getting ready for what lies ahead!
It’s going to be a great fall! Stick around!
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