PLEASE GET ON BOARD!!!!!

Why have I allowed myself to live like this? What was I thinking and what was so deeply rooted in my emotions that might have lead to my holding on to this weight for so many years! (All of these questions are being investigated by my highest ranking detectives).

What a beautiful and amazing day this is starting out to be! The second phase of my workout program for fat loss is much tougher, I have added more weight to my dumbbells and the intensity that comes from more weight is amazing.
As I lugged the dumbbells into my home from my car I realized something…I was carrying 80lbs of weight into the house, literally what I have lost (well, almost) in fat!
WHAT A REALIZATION!!!!!!
Feeling that extra weight in my hands made me also realize how seriously strained my body must have been, and how seriously strained my body still must be. I still have at least 75 more to lose and I plan on going as far as I can go with my plan.
As I eat my yogurt and banana and scrambled egg, I think about my life and the life of my daughter and family and friends…I hope the message of the importance of true health gets through to each and every one of you. So much depends on the choices we make in our lives each day. What we eat can decide how long we live, what we die from and how miserable that death will be. I know those are strong words and I know some of you will take that wrong, and some of you will get pissed off at me to the point of deleting and removing me from your lists and so on, but I believe it now, and I am not going to Sugar Coat this, Sugar after all is part of this huge problem!
Today I worked my ass off in my workout, I feel great and I am fitting into clothes I have not fit into since I was in my early twenties. I have lost a total of seventy-five pounds in seven months and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon, I have eliminated the need for ALL of the eleven pills a day that I used to take and hope I will live to be an old man! At Christmas of the past year I would have never thought I would be at this place in my life! I still crave bad food, I still have moments of weakness, but those moments are getting fewer and fewer!
Please get on board with your health, start a journey of good health for you mind and body and spirit with me. There are no rules, no expectations, just self discovery and better living!
I am asking you to get healthy for some very selfish reasons, the biggest of which is that I don’t want us to lose each other! I love you all!
If you want to get on board with a good program and an even better nutrition plan, let me know and I will put you in touch with a man that has become my GURU for fitness and nutrition. You can also visit http://truhealthquest.com/ for more info and some great tips!
One more thing, during my weigh in yesterday, someone said that when they go on vacation, they plan on eating whatever they want…I thought about that for a minute or two before I jumped into the conversation and said, “If you take a vacation from your eating plan, you are looking at it like it’s a job.” Just thought some of you might get something from that as you head to your vacation destinations this summer.
Together we can change the lives of our children and our parents and our friends and most of all, OURSELVES!!!

Nutrition, Super workouts and medical emergencies

Ok Everyone, It’s Monday morning and here is what I am eating today
Breakfast…One cup Irish oatmeal with sliced grapes and a scrambled egg on the side
Snack …cup of yogurt
Lunch…spinach salad with ovoo and vinegar tossed with strawberries and raw cashews and shredded steamed chicken
Snack… string cheese and a banana
Dinner…tuna salad made with one tbspn of lite mayo and diced sweet pickles on 7 grain bread with fresh cooked zucchini and squash
Snack… yogurt and raisins
I am also stepping up my workout starting today, so I am sure after my workout this afternoon I will be reporting on here again!!!
Sorry I haven’t been posting like I said I would, but the internet has been wonky!

Smile folks it’s gonna be a good day…And everyone pray for my friend Robin and her family as they travel to Florida because of a medical emergency involving her Dad. Also please pray for Cesalee’s Grandfather Joe, who also had a emergency illness in Myrtle Beach yesterday, also for Clark Edgar who had an Emergency in Spartanburg yesterday…All of these men have been instrumental in making me who I am today and I have been very worried about them!!!

Further accountability needed here!!!

HI everyone!!!! What a beautiful, muggy Friday morning!!!
For those of you that are friends on facebook, you are probably wondering what happened yesterday that made me wanna eat a whole pizza, I did not do that btw, but I sure wanted too!!!
Well, I called a salon in Spartanburg to ask a question about extensions, and a couple of other questions and before the mean closed minded woman could answer anything, she said, Men don’t do well in this industry around here, probably because of your lifestyle”. WTH?!?!? I don’t even know what made her say that, or what kind of lifestyle info I could have possibly divulged to her with that one question, I was dumbfounded, and yes, my esteem problems came rushing back and I really did wanna go eat my issues back into submission. What I discovered though, through the past 6 months is that my issues are not submissive, they are quite controlling and they think they are stronger than me. I began to doubt my profession and my mission and my move to Spartanburg, until I posted it and my friends made me feel better, then I told some people at work and they started to laugh and I realized I had just called the wrong salon. I wooped those bad feelings into submission and sent them back into the deep crevices of my brain and laughed with my boss…What in the world, right? RIGHT!!!!
SO today is a new day, and I have decided that I need more accountability for myself with food, because my diet feels like it is becoming more routine and I need to become more excited about it, so I am going to post my daily meals/food intake on here for everyone to see and analyze themselves, any feedback would help, and I am getting nutritional advice now and you should see changes every week too…I will not be posting every food post on facebook and twitter because some might be quite short, if you wanna keep up, just come back here regularly and check out what I am doing….
June 23 2011
Breakfast, Oatmeal, 2 servings
Raw cashew, 2 tablespoons
Snack light yogurt, one cup
Lunch one cup of tuna packed in water over spinach with two tablespoons white vinegar and ovoo
Banana
Snack yogurt, rice cake
Dinner 1 third loaf pan lasagna made with two lasagna noodles, layered with skim moz cheese and zucchini and pureed tomatoes, parm cheese and fresh button mushrooms
Snack rice cake with fresh milled peanut butter no sugar added (kinda gross but getting used to it)lol
Hope you all have a great day and keep in touch!!!!

My talk with Mr. Kay!!!

Well folks, after a long day of quiet time, and a talk with my parents and a talk with some friends I feel a lot better about the crap that has happened over the past week, and I realize that it was all really just that, CRAP.
I also did some extreme soul searching and I have come to the realization that I am really disappointed in myself, I’ll explain… I am not where I feel like I need to be in my life, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Is that not precisely why I am on this journey to begin with? Is that any different than realizing that my weight was going to kill me? It’s taken me six months to get half way to my weight loss goal and I am certainly not going to get to my mental goal any faster than that!
As it turns out, My career goal IS achievable I am just going to have to work a little harder for it, and over time, with a little financial planning, I will get to my BIG goal, I have to mentally be ready for more change coming in the near future, but I am ready and I know that these changes will get me to my ultimate goal, just a few years later…(exactly what my sister and one of my good friends has been trying to tell me for a while now).
So all of the above is great and all that, but what really made me stop and think this week was this 97 year old man that drove himself to the salon I work in and looked to be maybe 70 years old and was in great health and had clear skin and was not the slightest bit shaky, He told me of his 6 children and his deceased wife and how when she died when he was 67 he decided his life wasn’t over and moved to SC from New Jersey to be near three of his sons, one is a professor at Wofford, “a doctor that cant heal you of a darn thing”, he joked. He lives alone and takes care of himself and was doing a fantastic job.
I asked this man what his secret to long health living was and he said, “No secret son, I just realized one day after raising 6 kids and rocking in the chair on the back porch with my wife, through all the struggles and all the troubles, I was never going to win, and the reason was, life is no contest.” He went on to tell me that he believes our failures and successes are not always rewarded in our lifetime, and perhaps our children would reap the benefits of being raised properly by us, It helped me to understand the “sins of the Father” story in the bible a little better. I might not live the material life I want, but the things I teach my daughter might cause me to be successful in her life and she might be more able to reach her earthly and spiritual goals because of the things she learned from me; not to hate, to help fight social stupidity and to love boundless and borderless. She might be able to pursue her dreams because of the things I have given her mind, not her pocketbook. He told me that once he realized these things, he stopped fighting the battles he could not win and his life became free of anger and stress and he thinks that is why he continues to live, and he had no plans to stop either.
Mr. Kay gave me hope, He showed me that I’m not as old as I think I am, that 37 isn’t the end, it isn’t the middle and it certainly isn’t unique. Everyone will turn 37 at some point and I still could live sixty more years if God allowed me too…and that conversation changed my outlook on my whole week…I hope it helps you too!

The Gloomies!!! I can defeat them!!! But right now I just wanna cry!

Disappointment and mental pain can be a dangerous catalyst, shooting us through the circus tents of our lives with wildly random aim, catapulting us into chaos!-Barnum

I don’t think this post is going to inspire anyone to move mountains, but I promised everyone blunt truth and this is part of my journey. I might also need some encouragement from you too.

It is so easy to allow ourselves to be hurt when we do everything that is expected of us by society, our families and our friends, and still we end up not succeeding. It’s painful to see other people doing the same things we want to do, and yet we still can’t lift the curtain that holds us back.

I have had a pretty rocky week, and a great week at the same time. Cesalee went home on Tuesday, and while I am glad that she got to go to the beach, I miss her and it is always hard to send her home. She also got her driver’s license this week and it’s hard not to be there for those special occasions. Yesterday was Father’s Day and it also hurt not being with her for that.

My car got broken into and several items were stolen that I really needed for work, and the police basically told me that there was nothing they could do and they actually tried to talk me out of filing a report.
Something in my professional life that I really wanted to happen looks like it isn’t going to happen and after praying about it and getting professional advice as well as the advice of friends and family the consensus is, considering what it will take to achieve this goal, it probably won’t happen at all, given my age and credit. That is a tough realization to face.

Even though I like my new job much better than my old one, I am still not making what I need to make to even pay my bills and it makes me feel like (after twenty years of trying) I am just not mentally capable of “making it”. I mean, something is wrong somewhere, I know I have had setbacks health wise and I am making great strides but, SOMETHING ISNT NORMAL AND IT IS DRIVING ME INSANE!! I should be able to have personal financial success in my life, right?! Apparently not!

My mindset gets worse from there, but I need to keep a grasp on my emotions, so I will move on.

I try to forge ahead when I get into moods like this one. I tell people everything is fine and I am doing great and this and that, but it’s pretty much a big pile of crap.

SO after having a great Father’s Day with friends and a little bit of time with my Dad, I came home and went to bed. I woke up today happy that I at least didn’t throw my eating plan out the window this week, But today is the beginning of my last week on the first phase of my workout training and I need to get in some great workouts this week…But how do I do that? I don’t feel very strong right now, I actually feel kind of weak, and I DO NOT want to work out…

I remember how I used to feel like I do today, mentally, every day of my life. In fact there were days where I had NO joy what so ever. It reminds me that I have, in my life, contemplated the unthinkable and I can still reach the place in my mind where the demons went and some of those issues still exist. Giving in to them, getting scared and not fighting will take me to an even darker place where I may never come back from. So, I shed a tear, I shake this past week’s disappointment off; alter my plans a little bit. Get the hell up outta this chair put the GAGA on the MP3 and get back into my program!!!
You see, I know I am happier and healthier than I have ever been, I know I am never going to allow depression to control me again, and I know the demons I spoke of are locked away. I also know that every now and again, in life, we are going to have self doubt, sadness and disappointment. It’s how we handle these times that really count.
I hope this post wasn’t too random and off the wall, it’s just where I am this morning, and I know that after my workout things should look clearer!!! Maybe some of you can relate, Maybe some of you are in this place too and want to talk…I am here if you do!

wanna save some cash, loose fat!!!

Finances!!!!
How many of us worry about our finances, can’t pay a bill when it comes due and finds ourselves making excuses as to why the bills can’t be paid?
I am noticing something about my life lately, and I am seeing that I am spending less and less money, everyday and on all things, I have come to a conclusion that I want to share!!!
Being FAT is expensive!!!!!
I have already shared that I was spending close to $30 a day on food, I have talked about my meds and you know what? 11 different pills a day are friggin expensive!!!
But some things I have not discussed…
Clothing, larger clothing takes more material to make so it usually costs a few more dollars per garment, even at Wal-Mart, and don’t get me started on the “whole pay check b and t stores where a pair of jeans costs 100 bucks”!
The car, it gets worse mileage and being overweight can wear down upholstery and tires as well as shocks and struts.
Junk food, cost very little but you have to buy it in larger quantities because it takes more to sustain you!!!
Shoes wear out faster, furniture wears down quicker, toilet seats towels and since we use more towels we end up doing more laundry, and since we sweat more we do more laundry and since our garments are bigger we need to do even more laundry and then our washers and dryers don’t last as long!!!

I can go on for days!!!!!
I am not being comical here my friends, it is simply more expensive to be fat! I have spent years trying to get my friends to quit smoking because of the crazy cost, but honestly I was spending more to be fat.
Join me in getting healthy, it helps on every leg of our personal journey and it lightens our financial load as well as our caboosal load, lol, now that is the best word I have ever made up!!!!
By the way, I am down 71.6 pounds as of today and I am super excited about tomorrow!!!
I want to help so message me about anything (I’m looking for dates too, just sayin)!

I WANNA!!!!!!

Here are a list of my activity goals for the summer, some sports I want to learn more about and maybe learn to play...I want to live a little bit!!!

1. Rugby!!!! nuff said!!!! I have always wanted to learn how to play!!! And now might be the right time!

2. Biking, whether its road or mountain biking, I really want to do this!!! I want to go FAST!!!!!

3. Kayaking, yes I have been talking about this forever, but it is a goal for me this summer!!!

4. Yoga, I have done some yoga in the past and loved it...Now that I am feeling a bit more flexible, I want to start again...It isn’t just the movements it’s the breathing and the state of mind that I like about this.

5. Running, I WANT TO RUN!!!! If for no other reason, just because I have never run in my entire life!!!!! I don’t want to become a hard core 2000k runner, but I want to know I can do it!!!

6. Jumping rope, ok, don’t laugh, I am pretty good at it, and other than the fact that it could cause an instant coronary; I have avoided it for decades...I had fun doing it.

Ok so I got a little period and exclamation point happy in this post...:)

What are some of your summer activity goals and how are we going to accomplish them?

I want us all to reach some kind of personal physical goal this summer; I believe that if we all work toward a physical goal, we will inadvertently achieve a spiritual and mental goal as well!!!!

Lots of love and GET OUTSIDE!!!!!!

A liitle help can go a long way!!! New Blog Post from Tru Health Quest!!

Check out Daniel's post about fulfillment from helping others!!!!
http://truhealthquest.com/2011/06/helping-others/

On my way to Atlanta to pick up my daughter, I'll probably post tomorrow!! Have a great day folks!!!

Come get your hair cut and help out my friends family!!!

I am working today from 9 until 5 and am donating a dollar for each haircut I do and a portion of my tips to the Poker Run Fundraiser for Robert Morrow that is taking place in Spartanburg today...Please come in and see me at the Great Clips Salon at the East Pointe Shoppes at Hilcrest today!!!!!

Ronald McDonald and his Femme Fatale!!!! My first repost!!!

I recieved more comments about this blog post than any other and it was one of my first, because my workout kicked my butt this AM, my arms are too noodley to type so I am reposting this...The only difference in my diet now verses the date I wrote this, I have recently removed granola bars and popcorn from my daily foods....Hope you enjoy!!!!

    I have spent alot of money at Mcdonald's over the years...ALOT of money!!!
I am not angry at Ronald over that, I am angry at myself. I would leave work every day and go straight to the drive thru. I would buy ten dollars worth of the worst food possible, load it down with catsup adn salt and eat myself sick!
    Today I am over Ronald. I no longer crave the 2-700 calorie, 45 grams of fat Big Macs I used to gorge on. I feel a little sad for the people that dont understand what that processed food is doing to them(I have a point to all of this). There is alot of disputed info about just how bad this food is for us, but I suspect the truth would make most of us sick to our stomach.

    Little Debbie is another crazy food that many of us love and think makes us happy. She is a dirty hooker that has stolen money from me for the past 30 years. All I think about when I remember her now is the oily film that coats your mouth after you eat one of her cakes.
    I have completely freed myself from the poor relationships I shared with Ron and Deb...I hope all of you can too.
    Snacking on yogurt and fruit, fat free granola bars, and popcorn freed me from Little Deb.
    Cooking the best possible food, finding fun and inventive alternatives to red meat, fatty foods and grocery shopping has freed me from Ron.
    This week I challenge all of you to eat out less, plan your meals in advance, shop with a strict list, don't settle for laziness in your attitude about food, and finally, I know that many people are saying it is hard to afford healthy food. I have said it myself and used the statement as an excuse to buy poor quality food that is full of hazardous chemicals and tons of sugar...Healthy food is expenseive, and organic food is outrageous, but the trick to this whole lifechange is...MODERATION. Eat until you are satisfied, not until you are stuffed. Your food will last longer and you will be able to afford to slowly integrate healthier choices into your pantry!( a trick from my friend Daniel....use a smaller plate at meals, you will be surprised how much less you will eat)
Have a GREAT day eveyone and we will talk again tomorrow!!!

another post for the morning after a bad night!!

Sometimes trying to stay positive and in a good mood all the time can be quite hard. Sometimes you are just going to have a crappy morning, or bad things are going to happen. How do you react when they do happen and what do you do to put yourself right again?
I have spent years going straight to the couch with a snack, or resorting to other less than “good” things to pull myself out of my funk instead of trying to help things along with a good workout or a walk or even simple meditation.
I had one of these moments last night. I woke up early today thinking about how a bad mood after a conversation that got me worked up would affect the rest of my week. I am going to have to work twice as hard now to get back to good and it’s all because I spent the evening dwelling on a five minute, one sided conversation that I had with some friends at dinner. The funny thing is that the person I should have this conversation with is probably the last person I will ever have the conversation with. It is all because I am too worried about upsetting someone else that I end up depressed and down and that’s what triggers my “couch eating”. I rationalize it and I accept that it as ok because I am in this “mood”.
I am not the same person that I was just six months ago. Last night for me was a glimpse into the person I left behind and the fact that he still appears like that from time to time scares me. It makes me feel like my grip on the controlled health and the healing process for my life is loose, and that pisses me off!
Two of the hardest things to learn on this journey are that;
1. Physically we are alone, ultimately we are responsible for every choice we make and a trainer and friends and a blog and the Facebook and family and all of the support in the world cannot protect you from you.
(notice I said physically, please don’t read spiritually here folks)
2. No matter how many times we hear or say,” this is for life not just for now”, or “this is a life change not a diet”, realizing it is a completely different thing.

So today is a completely different day and there are tons of challenges to face. I have some things at home that I have been neglecting, I need to handle some appointments and organize my calendar and I also have to work, I have enough to keep my mind busy. I also have to do my intervals and keep in mind this contest and my health, not in that order.
Here is one last thought for you this morning….
I am not going to stop driving just because I had a fender bender; However, I am going to fix the car before I get back on the road!
Have a great day and if you need me I am here!!!!

exploring some art...."Shadow"

I haven’t posted anything about art recently and thought I was due to discuss a favorite painting or To allow my viewers to discuss one of my favorite paintings…This is one that I actually own. To be honest it is one that I painted. It is also listed for sale on Artquest. For those of you that know me, and the story behind this particular piece, this was a horribly tough choice to make, in selling. I had to let go of some serious stuff in order to let it go, it is a small piece (16x20) and is done in acrylics and chalk. It depicts an empty chair in an unfinished room with an unseen window and barely visible drapery that is easily mistaken for a ghost, a mist or some have told me an aura of piece, in white.
The piece was painted in 1999 and the rose was placed on the chair in 2006. The painting sat incomplete for almost seven years as the artist anguished over the sentiment and content of the work.
The piece’s focal point was the chair but has become the rose upon completion and it represents an unfinished room, an unfinished love and total depravity. The piece has a name, but due to the personal nature of the work I will not list the name until it sells and will only entrust the paintings name to the buyer.
The piece will only be known in public as “Shadow” of course the buyer has the right to publish or use the original name.
There is great emotion in all art and this particular piece is the most important piece I have ever created. It embodies the single event that literally shattered my soul and stands as a reminder of that moment. As much as I love this work, it is time to let it go and remove it from my home.
As with all my work for sale, this painting comes with the request that I get first opportunity to buy if the owner wishes to sell.
I hope you all enjoy this work and let me know if you can guess the name and if you have any questions about it. If you are intersted in purchasing this piece let me know, the price is negotiable and I am asking $430.00
Love ROB!!!

time to re-evaluate my game plan!!!

So today started out a little different.

I woke up at 5:45, super early!!! I took care of the dog and put him outside and went right to my work out!

I think I am going to need to remember a few things, first of all, I need to stretch more, and second, early morning workouts work best for me!
Last night I did my walking intervals in the late afternoon and could barely see through the sweat, it was 94 degrees yesterday. So tomorrow I will do them early in the AM, its cooler and the sun isn’t all over me.
So today marks day one in the Transformation contest and I am already starting out a couple of pounds heavier, my weigh in this week proved that I need to do some adjusting to my eating plan and to start weighing and measuring my food again. In fact, I have lost an average of 1 pound per week this whole month. I have way too much to prove to sabotage myself like this. BTW, I realize that everyone keeps saying that muscle weighs more than fat and blah blah blah, but seriously, that could not be the reason I gained after only a hand full of workouts. I am pretty sure it was the, “its ok just this once” attitude I had all week, except for Sunday when I was eating in front of my trainer

SO I am now back to tracking, measuring and weighing my food. I am on an exercise program that I KNOW will work. I am back in the game!!!
I bought grapes and bananas (of course) and a couple of grapefruit. I also am gonna try plain Greek yogurt sweetened with fruit juice, and some nuts instead of granola. I have become dependent on my “bars”. Also I am buying NO MORE sweet snacks from my weight loss vendor. Even though I love and trust them, their snacks are $7.50 per box of 12 and they are WAY too good to eat just one (I had eight in one day)! I need to gain more will power or this weight will stack right back on. No more wheat thins and peanut butter on the couch during Hawaii 5-0 and no more whole bag of veggie chips in one day…It’s time to restart measuring my servings and being more accurate in my logging of what I eat.

I am pretty sore and wore out from my workout today, and I just ate my breakfast of oatmeal and a banana and coffee. I am gonna shower and then attack this day like it’s my BIATCH!!!

Yes it is true that I lost six pounds last week, but I gained almost three as of yesterday’s weigh in. my average for the month really sucks! I ain’t havin that!!
Love to you all, let’s get it together!!!