Do you remember being a kid? Do you remember how we always felt that our parents did not understand us? Remember how old we thought they were? Do you remember that our problems were larger than life and no one could possibly understand? Do you regret, now that you are older, retreating to your bedroom every free minute you had?
When we begin our teenage years we are becoming more individual, we are looking for our own voice and we are growing into the adult we will become. We did not want our “know it all” parents to hover over us because we needed to find the person we will become on our own. We never in a million years thought that they could truly understand us, because the things we are going through were so much more severe than what our parents went through…right????
Our kids today are faced with things we never had to deal with, a serious lack in privacy, constant social networking and tougher education guidelines at school. Kids are just as cruel to each other and the stress over the future, over boy and girlfriends, over health and over college as well as bullying are overwhelming! So what can we do as “the parents” that may not be able to relate to our kids? I have some ideas that might help (this is how I maintain my relationship with my daughter)….
I listen to my daughter. Everything she says to me, I absorb. I never tell her she is wrong for feeling something; I never get angry at her for her feelings. I try to coach her when I can and I give her a “guys” point of view when I think she is getting confused over the “player” guys out there.
I never judge her for her decisions. If I disagree when she says something I make sure that she understands my reasons for the disagreement. It’s hard to hear what is going on in your kid’s life without wanting to become more involved, but be cautious not to be too pushy or too forceful. Let them figure out who they are.
I try to remember that this is not 1990 and what I thought was opened mindedness back then is normal now, and I have to remain open minded about everything she tells me.
She shares her dreams with me and I try to encourage and nurture those dreams, but I don’t depend on them yet. I remember my dreams and how they changed over time.
I don’t get upset over hearing she likes a guy, I try to relate and offer advice, but I never get angry when she doesn’t take my advice, Teens have to learn on their own and it doesn’t help when a parent stands over them saying” I told you so” and “that’s what I told you would happen”.
I am lucky enough to be close enough to my daughter to hear the sad stuff too. When she is hurting and worried she tells me. She is very guarded with me about ME though. If I upset her she gets quiet, and when I worry her, she doesn’t say a thing, so that is one thing I would like to change with her.
My point to all of this is this, If you want your children to live a healthier lifestyle, and to be closer to you, you have to talk to them, include them in your life, be honest with them above all else, tell them what you want for them and ask them what they want for themselves. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, when you do, let your kids know you did and that it’s ok to make mistakes and hope they learn from your mistakes…My daughter knows my darkest deepest secrets and she loves me anyway, has no judgments and is still my friend as well as my daughter. We have a mutual respect for each other and we talk almost every day whether it’s by phone, text, facebook or Email .I include her when I see my friends and hold nothing back when they are around. She knows about most of my mistakes and she has tried to avoid similar ones in her own life. She calls me to tell me how her day went and text me with a “what’s up” almost every day. She has a very independent relationship with God and is extremely faithful, I am very proud of this as well!
Do you have this kind of relationship with your kids? Do you feel like it’s dangerous to be close to your kids? Do you feel like your kids won’t respect you if you are close?
My daughter knows that there are no rewards for bad behavior. She doesn’t expect our closeness to be an excuse to get away with things. She is not an angel, but she is my angel…
Try and get closer to your kids, whether you know it or not, they depend on you for more than financial reasons. They believe and depend on your opinion and desperately want you to be proud of them. They will listen when you tell them about your feelings on drugs and drinking. They trust that your mistakes are learning opportunities and they will fight to uphold your values when they are challenged. They will act in the manner in which they were raised, so be careful not to raise your kids to hate. They will act out if they feel they can’t tell you something, so be careful to have an open mind enough to accept ANYTHING they might want to tell you, if you react poorly you might be surprised to learn that studies show you are creating a bully. Have the courage to be the kind of parent that puts the kids first above all else, JOB INCLUDED (I am very serious, don’t work yourself to death to get rich if it means less time for your kids…poor kids are happier than rich ones). And have the courage to let your kids see you standing up for things you feel are wrong! It might just activate them to become involved themselves!
I have much more to post but I have some things to do today so I will be back later with more….
LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!!
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