Wow, that is all I can say…
I have been blogging about my life, my journey and my mental, physical and Spiritual Health for several weeks now, and the support of this blog has been amazing! This week was a stressful week as you all know, but Tuesday night I saw a commercial for a website that moved me so much and inspired me even more! This commercial, during Glee, was the unveiling of the Dan Savage, messenger / Trevor Project and Google Chrome with You Tube sponsored ‘It Gets Better Project’. www.itgetsbetter.org is the website.
We all have a responsibility to stop or help to stop bullying! Speaking from someone that had to endure it for many years, at the hands of some of you, WE HAVE TO STOP THIS!!!
Here is a little bit of my story, I am not telling this story for pity or tears, even though it is still a deeply rooted and emotional pain I feel every day. I am telling this story to PISS YOU OFF!!!!
Whether you are Christian or not, old or young, male or female, Gay or Bi, or Transgender, Lesbian or straight, Democrat or Republican, YOU HAVE ALL OBSERVED BULLYING IN YOUR LIFETIME! I have had enough and I am demanding all of you stand up and help to put a stop to it! (Some of you OWE it to ME)!
In 1984 I was 11 years old. I moved to Spartanburg SC and spent my Jr High years here. I move away shortly after the starting high school. I am very thankful that I did too, because I would have killed myself if I had stayed. I was scared every day that some jerk football player would call me Fag or gay rod, push me in the hallway, trip me or cuss at me because I was a little feminine.
My parents never knew, my best friends, 2 girls, were sympathetic and told me they loved me but they knew I wanted to kill myself. One of them went to their mother and she told my friend that maybe she should stay away from me.
As I got older the name calling got worse. My friends were older now and I had some new ones that also become aware that I had problems, I started using drugs…They didn’t know how to help or what to do, so they backed away from me, leaving feeling even more alone, They even used my problems as an excuse to their parents to stay out late, that in turn made their parents hate me. Then I moved to North Carolina where I had learned to control my femininity and got involved with more drugs and the wrong crowd. I missed my friends from South Carolina so I called them every day, introducing my parents to new stress….HUGE PHONE BILLS.
The abuse stopped when I started to hit and punch people who said bad things about me. They in turn just said the bad stuff to others instead of me.
Then the unthinkable happened, I remained a pretty nice guy, but I would have problems with rage, and I was also eating as much comforting junk food as I could afford, as well as smoking a lot of pot and using cocaine without anyone in my family knowing just how bad it was, and how angry and close to death I truly was… But I also began to bully people I saw as weak as well. I singled out my younger sister, something I regret and lose sleep over to this very day. I lied to my parents every day, ran away from home and stole things.
Before I continue, there is one person I said something to one time when I was a senior in high school that I have wanted to take back since I said it, I have dealt with guilt for saying it to her every day since I said it especially because she forgave me instantly and is to this day a dear friend who is mourning the loss of her mother because it is so close to Mother's day. “M” you will never know how I hurt myself for hurting you that day.
I had become the bully, and the person that caused the same kind of pain I had been feeling my whole life.
I still allow people to make accusations about me that I do not confirm or deny. But I do not tip toe around other people when they hurt me. I do not want anyone else to feel what I felt every day of my youth! I stand up now when people are treated unfairly and I will not back down from the cruelty. I do not bully since that day in 1991 when I hurt a friend that was in no control of her situation, she was moving slow and it inconvenienced me, so instead of helping her, I told her she needed to be in a special school. I use the guilt from that to fuel my anger at bullying. (She probably doesn’t even remember it)
So today I added my own video to the ' it gets better project' WWW.itgetsbetter.org It does get better
There is help out there and if you know someone that is a bully, be it your own child, you parent or a local kid at the Bi-lo…STAND UP AND SAY SOMETHING!
Here is my video….http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1HHySRxzFY
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