Food and work out!!! 11/30/11

Did pretty good yesterday...

Breakfast, oatmeal, with fruit

Lunch, yougurt and carrots with ranch

Dinner, veggie chili with veggie burger meat

wheat thins and salsa for a snack

all in all good day!!!!

worked out and feel alot better today. I think the fact that I wasnt staying in control was makin me guilt and that guilt made me feel really bad!!! Feelin great today!

Checkin back tomorrow!!! Love ya!

Getting back to Good!!!

Hi everyone!!! I am BACK!!!!
I hope everyone has had a great few weeks. Mine have been…stressful, But not totally bad.
After my Grandmother died I took some time off from blogging and took some time to focus more on work and put my program on the back burner. BIG MISTAKE!!!!
I have gained about thirty pounds back… I lost all control of my eating and exercise program and feel like crap for it! My clothes stopped fitting and I am feeling miserable!!! ENOUGH!!!!!
Two weeks ago I began slowly working out again and am trying very hard to get back to good.
I quit my second job and am working at the salon full time now, I am keeping my fingers crossed that this whole thing works out!
Have you ever lost control before? I have come to understand that the reason this is happening is not that I stopped caring, it’s that I became too used to things going well that I stopped tracking what I was eating, I stopped feeling the need to work out and once I began to fit into the clothes I liked, I stopped trying to lose weight…
So I have done a good job at planning out my day, food wise, but I will be damned if the new gas station in Boiling Springs isn’t selling pastries for $.19 a piece, DAMN YOU QT!!!!! I am making a conscious effort to stay the heck away from that place, but it is hard, especially when I have been consuming more sugar than usual and I am craving more sugar to supplement as I get hungry. This is how my weight gain begins!
I have started with oatmeal and yogurt and veggie juice during the day and a nice sized meal at night. I have to remember what it feels like to win small victories over this eating disorder, and not give up half way through each day. When I give up, I over eat and then I over eat for days!
So I have decided that I am going to start blogging everyday and be honest with my readers about what I eat and how I work out. I have to get back to good folks; I came too far to let it all completely unravel…
SO…keep yelling at me when I order French fries at the restaurant and keep asking me if I really need that cookie, keep telling me I should order a regular coffee instead of a Chai Latte, and please, please…KEEP READING… I am not going to let this fat return without a fight!!!

On the bright side, I am doing very good in other aspects of my life…I am seeing someone new, I am getting busier and busier at work, and life is getting better and better, Cesalee is doing great and the holidays are going to be magical!!! I just need to get this whole thing under control again!
OK, enough about me, let me know how you all have been doing with the Journey you have been on…Are you still trudging forward? Or have you been stuck at a four way like me?
I love and have missed you all!!!! Let’s do this damn thing!!!

Tight Hugs, and French Toast!

So as i sit here thinking about why I am back in my hometown and what is going on and how it is going to affect me and the rest of my life... I realize just how important life is.

I can type my feelings much better than I can speak them, so I am going to attempt to put how I am feeling into words in this post...

My Grandma, pronounced, Grammaw passed away on halloween. SHe had been in a nursing home for a couple of years suffering from what the Doctors could only assume was Alzheimers Disease.

I lost someone very special this week and am full of guilt over having not seen her for almost two years.I know what many of you might say to that, but I still stayed away...I shouldnt have.

The last time I saw her she was not speaking, she was in and out of it for the entire visit. resorting back to her childhood and then back to an imagined present day full of dreams.

I dont want to remember her like that. The woman I remember was a woman that had a smile that made me feel like the world was ok, she had a cute giggle/chuckle when she got tickled about something and a sense of humor that understood me. I got my dry wit from her as did my mother, uncles, cousins, and sisters...She knew how to laugh at herself and could take a joke. She also knew how to let us know that we had put on a few pounds when she saw us, She was "just sayin"...but she never meant it to offend us, it was her way of looking out for our health.

She attended her church every sunday, living close to it, she would take a glass of cold water for the preacher and knew everything about every person that attended. She is probably yelling, right now, at the person responsible for making the decision to close her beloved little church from heaven.

She tried fried okra, southern style, in her eighties, and LOVED it!!! She loved my parents preacher and his wife and while she was living with my Mom in SC before going into the nursing home, she made sure to be at church on Sundays to see them.

She had the coolest car in the world, a 68 or 69 chevy nova, it rocked!!! and alot of my early memories were made inside of that car, including her rolling the window up on my fingers one time.

She was always home and we never had to knock on her door, we just walked on in and she would be waiting for us, she would hug each of us so tight we almost couldnt breathe, but we knew it was because she loved us soo much. she made great pumpkin pie, and made me french toast for breakfast when i would stay with her.

I remember lying in the grass in her yard and rolling down the hill and laughing as she sat under the tree with my Pap-pap watching us, probably laughing herself silly at us.

We all got treated the same, my cousins and my sisters and me, she was close to each of us, the same, yet seperately. Sadly as i got older my visits declined and years would go by between my trips to her house, but it was always the same, the sound of her screen door opening, the smell of her back porch, the kitchen light she had to jump up to tap on to get the wires to connect, the butter cookies she kept in the cabinet above the stove in the white cookie bucket, the peanut butter eggs she made at easter and the Gobbs (to hard to explain) she made randomly for us and her pumpkin pies and french toast...the sound the chairs in her kitchen made as they slid across the floor, I can still hear my Uncle John's Gremlin pulling up and getting excited that my cousins Mickey Joey and Jeremy were coming, opening aunt MarySue's stockings at Christmas and Grandma's Pumpkin Pie.. all memories now...I miss my Grandma, I miss my Pap-pap, I miss my uncle John...I know death is part of every life, I know that with each death a part of us changes and I am just trying to figure out how much of me will change now too.

My Grandma Reba was one of the people that molded me into the person I am today and every time I tie my shoes, I will remember her being proud of me when I tied them when I was five and taking me with her to Super Shoes to try on shoes just to practice. (something I had forgotten until just now).

She is gone now and my memories are all I have left in my head,but those hugs, those tight hugs she gave us like she didnt want to let go, I can still feel. I hope I always feel them...

Rest In Peace Grandma, Tell Pap-pap and John I love them. Keep your perms rolled on pink rods and be amoung the first people I see when I finally show up, hopefully late, to Paradise! I LOVE YOU!!!

slow down so you dont stop!

Ok, so i was driving to work this morning, talking to myself as i often do, when i realized something, i will now share with you the conversation i had with myself that led to this great discovery!

Sane self: why did you sleep so late?
Crazed self: Cause im tired,duh!
Sane self: you are burning out, you arent sleeping properly, you arent working out properly, you are gaining weight, you are sleeping in, you even ate Cheetos last week......CHEETOS!!!!!!!
Crazed self: so?
Sane sef: CHEETOS!!!!! YOU HATE CHEETOS!!
crazed self: Look sanity, I have only a small window left in my life to build my career,acheive my proffessional goals in order to provide for myself and my daughter and to get my CSX....so im burning the candle at both ends, could i do things differently? Yes...could i eat better? Yes...could i sleep more? Yes...am I geting busier every day? Yes....
Sane self: you have plenty of time to do all of that! Your 38 not 88....besides....your "small window in life " will get even smaller and shrink faster when you neglect your health then it will... As... You... Age...WOW!
Crazed self: WOW
Sane self: wow
Then i said out loud.....Wow!
While talking to myself i realized that as hard as i am working to build my career while i still have the time to do it, neglecting my health and notmeeting my daily potential mentally, physically, spiritually as well as proffessionally, my time wont matter much anyway because my quality of life will deminish...

I think we should all have a talk with ourselves today, do it everyday. We know the answers to most of our problems, most of our issues and most of our questions. We know ourselves better than almost anyone and until we work it out in our minds, no amount of advice or no amount of training will get through to us!
Go and talk about it folks! Love ya! Happy Tuesday!!!!!

Do you have junk food in your house? How is that working for ya?

SO what is the affect of having too many sweets in your house? I saw a facebook post on Craig Ballentine’s facebook page today that made me think. Could having the temptation in front of us be the single most important part of the success or complete breakdown of any program?

Historically speaking it is pretty messed up that even the strongest and wisest men could not avoid looking into Medusa’s eyes even though they knew they would turn to stone. Adam and Eve were tempted and lost Eden because of it. Yes, I do believe that temptation is the downfall of what we are and what we are to be.

I have a weakness for sweet foods, I don’t think I am alone in this weakness, I do considerably well during the day, but at night I feel that I need sweet foods to unwind and relax. I eat to think things through, I eat when I am angry and I eat to avoid stress!

The desire to unwind and relax and EAT is part of who I am, in order to regain the control that I have lost recently I MUST find something else to do to unwind and relax at night, something that does not include eating poorly. I might try yoga, meditation, playing with the Cooper, cleaning, something, ANYTHING that does not include EATING.

A lot of people that are overweight are bigger because they over indulge on drinks, or eat out a lot or because they don’t move very much or just out of boredom, I do all of these things and to top it all off, I am a closet junk food-aholic with Little Debbie tendencies (self diagnosis). So it’s rather important to me to figure out why I do this and why after 9 months of great results I am beginning to yo-yo out of control.

I start off each day with Coffee and oatmeal, no sugar little half and half and some sweetener in each and I eat a banana or some pineapple.
I then have a snack of string cheese and or some nuts about 3 hours after breakfast. Lunch is tricky because I can be too busy to eat sometimes, or I will have to find something frozen to heat up at work, either way I make sure it’s healthy and not to bad for me Points wise so as to not mess up my WW.

Another snack in the afternoon consists of nuts and or fruits, even dried fruits or dehydrated plantains (my new favorite chip).
Dinner is tricky as well, I am working two jobs and most nights don’t get to dinner and because I don’t go grocery shopping right now due to the time factor, I stop at the store each night, while I am hungry by the way, and buy dinner and most always DESSERT! I ruin my efforts toward my health every day, at night! I buy bad food, add some junk, because I keep telling myself I can try again tomorrow, and my recipe for a bad night has been written.

So here is my decision concerning junk food, late night eating and a few other things that I see better now that I have typed them out.
1. No more late night eating!
2. If the TV is on, I will not eat!
3. No more junk food in the house, PERIOD!!! If you bring it in my house please understand and don’t be offended when I ask you to remove it immediately.
4. I must grocery shop once per week and plan my meals in advance!!!
5. I must never enter a grocery store when I am hungry, for any reason!!!
6. I WILL take the TRICKY out of my roll! Plan better for the days I work both jobs and on the days when I have clients right through lunch.
7. Workout when I need to think things through!
8. Workout when I am angry!
9. Workout when I need to work through some stress!
10. When I have the urge to overeat, or turn to sweets, GROW UP AND WALK AWAY FROM THE FOOD!!!

I hope everyone has an awesome Sunday! Remember the Saints play the Colts tonight at 8:20!!! WHO DAT?
And I love all ya’ll!
"It’s not about how fast we get to our destination…It’s about what we learn along the way!" ME

google is changing on us!

Well, i have heard a rumor recently that Google is shutting down blogger in an effort to create more interest in google+ which is great...it does not mean that robirobtheblog will no longer exist...according to google, it will not change a thing, but in the unlikely event that the blog disappears please save my email address and info and become a facebook friend or a google+ friends and i will inform u of where to go to find me. Please feel free to friend me anyway... I love new friends!
Robirob1234@gmail.com or facebook.com/robirob123 or send me an email for a google+ invite.

Love u all, more posts are coming soon, i promise....i have alot going on and alot of changes i wantto make to the blog...we need a revamp!

Help! Seriously, HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gotta say, I'm pretty darn tired.

I mean, I knew when I embarked on this professional change, taking on a second job, while trying to keep life as normal as possible, was going to be extremely difficult, but I had no clue just how tired I was going to be.

I know that sleep is important and I promised Daniel that as part of my readjusted routine, I would sleep like I should be sleeping, keep up with my workouts and nutrition and stay focused on my health. I have, btw, gotten back on track with my health, i gained back some weight, how much is a well gaurded secret but it wasnt enough to kill my program, I am working out but i am so tired that it's been less at less than100%. What is happening rigt now is that I am out of my comfort zone and in more of a terror zone. I have no clue how the bills are going to be paid, I am neglecting my home, I am figting tooth on nail for my future and even though I am seeing great results, i am so drained and exhausted that I feel like giving up for a while all together. I dont even know what the date is today. i am so unbelievably sleepy I just wanna cry...

I need some help...I know most of my readers stay quiet for the most part but i really need some feedback. I need ways to stay alert and happy and excited about my journey without using energy drinks or drugs. Supplements are different and I am getting ready to order some antioxident rich fluids that migt help, but ineed my health food nuts to give me some secrets. Give me some tips, whether its a breathing exercise, a workout tip or a food that might help.

I am never giving up on my goal to be successful in my industry and i am getting busier and busier, but the hours between the two jobs is killing me.

HELP!!!!!!!

just a quicky

I think we put way too much into trying to explain the way to a better life, the way to a happier healthier lifestyle, it’s all very important information, but most of it gets lost between our lips and the brains of the people we are talking too.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think it is important to get the right nutrition and the right workouts and the advice from qualified people that know what they are talking about, but seriously folks...If it is going to be SO difficult that you dread your routine, and you get burnt out and you can't face the day without making an unhealthy EXCUSE, or if you aren’t going to listen to the advice you are given...Then are you really helping yourself? Are the people trying to help you wasting their time?

I am sure some of you will take issue with this post, but I am speaking from the heart and I have gotten away from that lately because I was trying too hard to impress my readers and it started to detract from what I was trying to do here... this blog is about ME, it’s My way, My Journey, My life and ultimately My Death...Yes folks it's all about me, and me helping you to understand how good it feels to become the person you have always wanted to be. So here is my advice for the day. This advice is for the people searching for the help they need and the people trying to give the help needed.

It's all about the smile!

That's it, no technique, no this is right and that is wrong. It is all about the smile!

If you are not smiling, ask yourself why!Professionals, if your clients are not smiling, investigate that first. Chances are if you get to the bottom of the frown, you will find the REAL problem...for those of you needing an illustration of a frown covering a problem, I will do my best to draw one for you...

(---)...this is a frown
..p.. . this is the problem
See how the frown hides the problem???? Ok so not the best illustration, just imagine a frown with a P under it!

EVERY PERSON YOU SEE TODAY NEEDS A REASON TO SMILE, BE THEIR REASON

something I need to say!!!

SO I have spent a large part of my life dealing with something that actually makes me, a greown ass man cry at night. It keeps me awake, it hurts me to my core,it offends me, it makes me regret being born sometimes. The worst part of all of this....It should not bother me it all. It is who I am and it is What I am and I have spent my life running from it!

No, it's not my weight, it's not my Cancer, It's not my failed marriage or my beautiful son that died. It is not my distance (geographic) from Cesalee, it is not my thinning hair... It's a secret, one most of you now know, but it's still a secret to many... Most people figure it out when thety meet me, some don't. Alot of people could care less, Thety accept me regardless, some don't... But it's still a secret.

It's also a sin...even though I know that no one sin is worse than another, it is still a sin, but I am committing another sin by lying about this secret to the people I deny it too...

Recently I have started to suspect some members of a local church have been gossiping about this secret, as they suspect it. And that saddens me, because these people are the ones that should, in my opinion, be loving, is that not what Jesus told us to do?

I love everyone regaerdless of what or who you are. I will never judge you for ANYTHING!!!! I am tired of being a joke to some people, I am tired of being afraid to be me.

I will say this about the gossip girls and guys. I will include anyone else that dislike me...I love you, because I am supposed to love you. I would physically break anyone in half if they ever hurt any of you. I would fight to my death to keep all of you out of harms way.

That is what I believe GOD wants from us. Not all of the gossip and pot stirring and judgements that abound....Think about that for today folks.

Happy Saturday!!!!!

Sometimes we have to know our limits...

I AM TIRED!!!

I have been busy lately. One thing I have promised my trainer that I would do is post on this blog at least 2 times per week and make a list of the things I am proud of and happy about each week...Its hard to find the time to even workout, much less post a blog and make lists, take the trash out keep the dog occupied, pay bills be a Dad, date and work two jobs and sleep and stay positive...There has to be a way to find an equilibrium in all that mess (my hand is in the stop position making a circular motion while I say “all that mess” in my head, as if I am in a Madea movie)!

The truth ... I am burning the candle at both ends and need to either blow the candle out or use a stronger wick!

It’s so easy to say, I’m just going to call in today, or let’s sleep 5 minutes longer, or the dog can wait a few more minute…It’s easy to go by a Wendy’s fatburger or a McKill-me Big Artery clogger than it is to plan meals and pack food. It saves time to let the bills pile up and pay them on your next day off, (a month later) It’s not that hard to fall asleep with your clothes on, forget to put on deodorant and shave with instant oatmeal because you can’t take 5 minutes to go pick up shaving cream, and does the dog really need treats when a hand full of dog food can do the same thing? Let’s not forget to mention that I haven’t seen my daughter in two months!!!

I AM Tired

I have been busy lately…

My daily schedule starts at 5am…I wake and instantly feed the dog and put him in the yard for his play time with the critters that I can’t see cause its still dark…Then I workout, intensely (thank you Daniel), this workout wakes me up and is probably the biggest motivating event of my day. I eat my oatmeal and egg, drink an airborne and shower, put the dog in his kennel for naptime (cause it’s his favorite thing), then I go to work, at 7am…I sit here, and I think, about work, I market myself, I drive around handing out flyers and business cards, I book appointments, I clean the salon, I organize my life and I blog (:}) and I basically wait for my business to grow, which it is, at a fantastic rate, thanks to people like Jon and Joy Garner, Elizabeth Verdell Walter and Emily Rogers, and Kim Stevens, Robbie Flatford and Kaye Dillard and Aaron Creech and Dean Sewell and my parents…(just to name a few). They have been with a lot of other people (that I WILL recognize eventually as time goes by)by spreading the word about us and sending us their friends, LOVE YOU GUYS. I sit here early tying to get traffic from the very busy road that runs next to the salon…I sit here and do all of that, and do my appointments as well until 2pm each day when I pack up and go to work at another full time job until 9 pm. I then spend time with the dog, my folks, or on the phone with people I have been trying not to neglect and one person recently in particular that I am trying to get to know better. I do that till about eleven or twelve midnight. Then I go to bed for what feels like a few minutes and I get up and do it all again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My days run together and I feel so worn down that I just wanna go back to the “It’s so easy to say” paragraph and give up!!!

I am TIRED!!!

I Have been very busy lately!!!

Then I remember something… No matter how tired I feel, no matter how busy I am, no matter how scared or depressed or anxious or terrified I might be… IN EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF MY LIFE…someone or something is depending on me to keep going, Cesalee, Cooper, my folks, my sisters my friends, my readers, my clients, my bank my bill collectors and my own damn self!
As I come to this realization, I raise my head and look out at the beautiful sunshine and the awesome day ahead of me, and I find a smile through the sleepiness, and I find renewed motivation to get through yet another day of “non-stop interstate JOURNEY traffic”!

Can I get an AMEN?!?!?

CAN I GET AN AMEN?!?!?!

Have a great day, and if you’re having the same issues I am right now, take a look at the blue sky outside and remember that there are people under that blue sky dying to keep your blue skies safe enough for you to be tired under…If that does not work, go get some damn coffee and shut the heck up!!!

So I have choosen to use a stronger wick, to use the slower burning candles and to keep plenty of fuel nearby in case the flame goes out on me! But friends, I gotta be honest, I need your help!!!

Check this out, Daniel is sharing his secrets to fitness success!!!

http://truhealthquest.com/2011/09/whats-hot-whats-not/

This is how I am doing it folks, Metabolic Resistance Training, Daniel explains it in his latest blog post and it's hot!!! Im only a LITTLE miffed with him for giving our secrets away, but it's all good!

Check out by clicking the truhealthquest blog link to the right of the page, it's some good stuff to read from the guy I trust the most with my fitness!!!

Map out your Journey!!

I was getting ready for work this morning and forgot to do my food list for the day. I guess most of you don’t know what my food list is all about. I start by writing down all of the food I plan to eat during the day. I plan on eating my daily allowance of food and try not to deviate from my list. There is a second column next to my food list which is where I put all of the food I eat throughout the day that was not planned, whether it was an unexpected piece of candy, gum or even cake. Even an unplanned trip to a restaurant gets logged. This keeps me honest with myself and allows me to more closely monitor my progress. If I see a dramatic weight gain or loss I can look back and see where I went wrong or what I may have done right to achieve the weight change.

I stopped my program recently and noticed that I was rather quick to put a few pounds back on and I think that when we lose weight, we seem to do it methodically, we follow techniques that provide results but we don’t make those techniques part of our lives. Once the goal is reached or we feel better about ourselves, we tend to kick back into old school mode and we eat ourselves fat again. What I am trying to do is get used to this list making and exercise routine and I am trying to make it a habitual part of my life. Putting the food I eat in writing and making the list adjustable helps me to see my progress and helps me “road map my success”.

We get lost in our lives when we don’t follow a map, sometimes it’s a good thing most of the time it is not! I have my workout routines, which alternate, written down for me to follow. They are there to provide me with the “road map” I need to reach my fitness goal. I have my food list to provide me with the “road map” I need to get to where I want to be with my nutrition and my weight loss. I have a road map spiritually as well. What are some of the tools you use in your own journey that can be described as road maps?

Do you have a “road map” to assist you in your relationships? Do you have a list of the qualities you look for in a mate? Do you have a routine written down that helps you get to your goal professionally? Spend some time today looking and assessing your “road maps” and see if they are taking you to the right place?

I was, back in the earlier days of the blog, posting the foods I was eating and making them public for everyone to judge and discuss. I stopped because I began to see, at that point, that we are ALL different and what is working for me might not work for you. I eat a lot of yogurt, A LOT OF YOGURT. I am the Michael Weston of Chesnee SC (I eat a lot of yogurt), but a lot of you might not be able to physically handle the amount of yogurt I digest. I also eat a lot of bananas, to the debate of hundreds; nonetheless I eat lot of bananas. I also eat about a third of the US consumption of Tuna and roughly my own body weight in eggplant each month and a trees worth of pecans a month. I am assuming that right about now some of your stomachs are turning but I like what I like and it is all helping me to lose a great deal of weight. I still keep track, I just don’t make it public. This is a good example of how the wrong “road map” can almost get you lost. My private list helps me to see what I am eating that helps me to see what is making me feel better. There are a number of different advantages to keeping a food list and I highly suggest that everyone use a food list as one of your “road maps” on this journey. Keep it with you and keep writing in it as you eat, not just when you pack your food for the day.
This is something that is working for me and I hope it helps you this week.

Thanks again for all the great BD wishes! I had a blast!!!

IM 38!!!and the Huffington Post might be in my future!!!

It’s already shaping up to be a great day!!!

I just wanted to write a quick post about my year. What an amazing roller coaster of a year it has been!

I quit a job I hated, got a better job, really took control of the reigns and moved forward into an even greater job, where I am my own boss, am responsible for my own choices and am not doing to badly.
I discovered that through careful thought and meditation that my spiritual life needs as much attention as my physical one and I feel closer than ever to the powers that be. I am actually feeling liked by the powers that be as well.

I lost over 80 pounds and will continue to lose weight and become the healthiest person I can be, for the rest of my journey through life!
I have learned a lot about who I am. I am fighting for the things I believe in, being my own advocate and being more honest about my wants and needs. I am living MY life and that‘s something I have NEVER done before!
I am closer with my daughter than I ever thought possible!

I am blessed to have tons of friends that I love and am grateful for! Whether I have known them 25 minutes or 25 years (more like 30+ for one or two of you), I am happy to be in their lives and wouldn’t know what to do without them!!!

Thanks to everyone for all the support with this blog, I have had as of yesterday, over 4000 IP views have 3700 people signed up for the daily Email from Robirobtheblog.com and these hits do not include the facebook, twitter and Google+ views as they are third party views and are not shown on my blog.

I have recently been asked to sample weight loss droid apps in development, been a guest post on another blog and was just asked this morning to write an article for the Huffington Post’s AOL Healthy Living internet newspaper as a featured blog post. The Huffington Post has over 17 million readers worldwide!!! (This is big for me, but my article has to be good and be accepted, but an invitation to write is pretty damn cool)!!

SO 37 were outstanding for me! I can’t wait for 38 as it is already shaping up to be the best year of my life!!!

Thanks for your continued support and let’s see what’s coming round the next turn!!!

I LOVE MY JOURNEY!!!

I'll be 38!! how many tomorrows are left? Start trusting the people that get results!!!

Well, Tomorrow is my big 38!!

I still can't believe it... I will be 38 years old. Seems like yesterday I was turning 30 in a huge panic and my friends had a party for me, I realized that it wasnt all that bad to turn 30 after I turned 30. It's funny how you realize the possibilities in life after it happens.

I have been having an awesome year. I have met alot of new people and have been having great success in all avenues of life.
I am getting smaller physically, I am getting healthier and I am learning that it's the science behind my health that is being updated daily, not just the idea or the words.

How many people do you know that are in "love" just to be in love, or are more in love with the idea of being in love or are just scared of the possibility of being alone? They are willing to spend their whole lives miserable but will never face being by themselves.

How many people do you know that preach work ethic and responsibility and claim to be this or that in business, then they turn around and steal a client from you, claim to be lower in price or use false advertising just to get someone's business?

The same thing holds true for fat people. We all claim to know that this diet will work, this pill will work, this surgery will work or this attitude works for weight loss. We all talk about how metabolism does this, we should eat less of that and more of this and we should work out this muscle and do that much exercise...then we sit back and eat a whole box of little debbie cakes and a whole pizza and say "I'll try again tomorrow". We are in love with the idea of health, but truly know nothing about it. What we claim to know is based on what we hear not on true experience.

What's different for me this year, is that instead of using (or not using) my knowledge (or lack thereof) about health, I am turning to people that REALLY know something about it. My Doctor (certified) my trainer (certified) and am even getting advice from an Holistic Nutritionalist (again...CERTIFIED)! These people all have incredible knowledge, massive skill and amazing physiques, they dont only know their junk, they live their junk! (get your head outta the gutter Dean Sewell, im using "junk" instead of the "s" word)

Folks, in the blink of my life I am about to turn 38. I sat on my couch day after day saying "tomorrow i will try harder". IT"S TOMORROW!!! Learn something new, use the tools that you see will give you results from the people that actually use those tools (and get proof that they use them), and get to work. You never know when today could be your last "tomorrow"!

Love you all!!!

These people know health!!!

Bully part 2

The reason I posted the video I posted yesterday was to help make people understand that it isnt just the bully that gets the message when people stand up and fight back against them, it's the person being bullied that gains confidence and looses fear when they see that there are actually people out there that are not afraid and are strong enough to withstand whatever other people might think! In the video, I got chills when the kid being bullied realized (by the look on his face) what had happened when the older kid stood up for him by coloring his hair to match his own...It took my words away and all I could do was post it.

We need to teach our kids that it is OK to disagree with someone. It is OK to actually not like someone, for whatever reason. Most importantly, we need to teach our children that even though we may not like someone or what they believe, or who they are, IT IS NEVER OK TO TEAR SOMEONE ELSE DOWN VERBALLY OR PHYSICALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE DIFFERENT!

Be brave parents. If your child is a bully or is being bullied and you don't know what to do, contact their school counseler for help, get online and go to www.bullying.org and get some help before it's too late! If YOU don't stand up for your own kid, how do you expect them to stand up for themselves!

Bully!

I wanted to type a long post about the terror behind bullying and what we need to do to stop it, but this video said everything that I wanted to say plus added a visual!!!



Stand up!!! Do something anything!!!

I have been diagnosed with IEB and I will not let it beat me!!! PLEASE READ THIS!!!

!

Sometimes I have no trouble staring down that piece of cake or that extra helping of pasta. Sometimes nothing and no one can stop me.

How often do you feel like you are so hungry that you could eat everything in sight? I feel that way every night when I get off work. Then, as I contemplate what I will gorge myself on, I stop and think…If I still feel this way when I get home I will go back out and grab whatever I want. (Living in the country tends to make you think twice before just “running” out for anything)!

Usually by the time I get home the craving is over and I am fine with my normal dinner and I am all the better for it.

What about the times when my cravings or my wants for sugar or horrible food gets in the way of my reason and I gorge myself anyway? Well I have come to know these binges as irrational eating binges or IEB’s It’s my technical term for this weird behavior, you can pronounce it by the letters or just sound it out…”IIIEEEBBBS” This is a new word and I will be using it a lot this week as it is my birthday week and I know there will be party’s involved.

More about my birthday later in the week…

So when I feel the IEB’s coming on what am I supposed to do? Call a friend? Give in and eat? Beat myself with a stick? I call it IEB for a reason. Irrational behavior cannot just be stopped, it must be reasoned with and usually the best way for me to reason with anyone, is either through typing out a post or by a song. As it turns out, reasoning with me is not that easy. After all, reasoning is basically finding a reason for something and using it to convince someone into a behavior, right? RIGHT! I know my reason for being on my Journey and I fight the IEB’s with that reason every day!!!

I have to keep myself in check all of the time. I have to keep my four key Journey ingredients protected all day every day or I will fall. Notice I said fall not fail.

Until now I have been referring to my journey in three parts, mental, physical and spiritual. I have, as of this week, added Professional to the groups because so much of my stress and my time and my energy are used up in my professional life which has now taken on a much bigger role. (Thank you Jesus)

Work seems to keep me energized, it keeps me going and it keeps my clarity crisp and refined, when I leave work I shut down most of my senses and that’s when my IEB’s kick in. It is very important that we realize what sets off our triggers and when we need the most support. If we don’t keep a firm grasp, mentally on all of life’s challenges we will give in and IEB all over the place and on every key group of our Journey and we will fall and find it really hard to get back up.

So after reading this long and winded essay, most of you are probably still looking for the point. Well, my point is this: There are times when we are all irrational and times when we all have to reason with ourselves. Don’t let food be your murder weapon after a rough day. Don’t let “unwinding” turn into unraveling, and most of all, learn what YOU are all about and figure out that being in control means commitment, and that commitment needs a reason to exist, use that reason to solve poor rationale. Then go out and live your life outside of the fear that you are not in control of your journey! That’s all guys! Have a great Monday and don’t give in to the IEB’s!!!

Perfectly Pampered Day Spa

Come see me at the Perfectly Pampered Day Spa in boiling Springs SC!!!! (just a quick plug)!!!

HOW DO WE DO IT!!!???!!!

IT really is not easy!!! It is really really tough to get back on track once you have let your program fall into ruin!
Why does this happen? I don’t understand how we can feel SO charged and motivated one day and then all of the sudden it all falls to crap! We are eating too much, eating the wrong things, slacking off in our workout and avoiding our friends because we feel we might have gained weight!
(Today’s post will be short and sweet, I promise)!!
I have finally begun to take charge of my professional life! I am working two jobs, one to pay the bills and one to build a reputation so that I can pay more than just the bills later, and working two jobs, being on the go from 6am until 10 pm every day can be taxing to say the least, in fact I get SO into my routine that not only have I been not eating right, not working out right and not sleeping right, I have also been not relaxing right… I have been so focused and straight laced (lol) that I even go into a weird glazed over with drawled kind of daze when I am not working.
It’s great that I am working toward my future and Cesalee’s future, but it’s not great that I am letting it become such a distraction from my Journey that I am falling off track!
SO!!! This is my game plan:
1. (AS PER MY TRAINER DANIEL WOODRUM) I must be in bed by 11pm and get at least 7 hours sleep….
2. I must follow the workouts outlined and get enough exercise to sustain me and provide me with the calorie burning energy I need to continue to lose weight.
3. I must eat right to support rule number 2
4. I must spend time with Cooper and Cesalee, be it phone or video or texting with Ces and or having someone go play with Coop if I can’t.
5. I must turn off my brain at night somehow.
6. I have to pay attention to the people in my life outside of my job (others can learn from this too, you know who you are)!!!
7. (should be number 1) ask God for help!
Ok, so the rules are not so bad, and I can almost hear what some of you are thinking. “How do we start”?
This is it folks, this is how it’s done…
Get up, put your shoes on and get dressed, go for a walk, grab a .50 yogurt, or an egg, and a banana and a hand full of nuts, and smile because you will have just “gotten started”!!!

This pot ain't gonna get stirred!

What causes drama in your life?

Is it a specific person? Is it you?

People that thrive on drama are people that are used to getting attention or people that have never gotten any attention. Yes those are two very different groups of people but that is why dram runs rampant, because you have it bouncing off of and back and forth between two very different groups of people, attention getters and attention seekers.
There is a trick to avoiding drama and there is a trick to stopping drama. TURN AWAY from it!

Don’t allow your pot to be stirred!

Tell the person you don’t do drama and turn your back to them until the drama passes.

Simply ignore it!

Drama has been a big part of my life. Not really because I like to cause drama, I don’t. It happens more because the people in my life like drama and I let it happen. I DO like to talk, I do like to gossip and I do like to meddle, (all serious character flaws) but I don’t like hurting people and I don’t like being hurt.

How does all of this relate to my journey?

I have noticed that no matter how old you are, and how much crap you have gone through in your life, there is always going to be someone that wants to bring the drama in your life and guess what? It is a major food trigger for me. So the reason it is the subject of my post this morning is that I want to make clear my intentions and what I hope will be your intentions toward drama in the future…EXPELL IT! Kick it out, fire it, push it back, send it behind the house, bury it in the yard and spit on its grave.
Gossip and using your mouth as a weapon is the mildest form of violence. It is dangerous because loose talk can destroy lives and it can cause resentment and anger. It is bullying no matter how you look at it and you all know my stance on bullying.

Drama gets in the way of our health and I am not gonna let it keep me down. So if you have something to say to or about me, say it, I will return the favor, as long as you say it too me.

Let’s try to make the world a little better and just be nice, even to those we can’t stand, even to those we disagree with and let’s try to talk through something instead of just about something!
I love you all and hope you have a great day…and no this is not an angry post and nothing happened, I just wanted to discuss it…in other words…”Just Sayin”!

There is no right and wrong if we believe in the power of one word!

I hear all the time that being a parent is mostly trial and error. That there is no instruction book for raising kids and there is a right or wrong way to do this and that with our children … ok, so that’s great and all…but what about our own lives, our own well-being and the right and wrong in our personal situations?

Let’s start with the right and wrong.

I know that when I don’t eat all day and am out of my mind with hunger, I should not go to the grocery store and buy a bag of tater tots and eat the whole thing in one sitting with half a bottle of ketchup. There is still the knowledge that what I am doing is wrong and yes I have the free will to say, HELL NO! SO why would I ever find a rational excuse for doing it?

Trial and Error.
Some things work for me and some things work for you and vice versa, however, why is it that we continue to do the things that don’t work and then get mad when they don’t work just like we had no clue it could go wrong. For example, I love to watch Tony Horton on his workout videos, he is hilarious and pretty motivational, I bought power 90 (the wussy version of p90x) and watched it once. I never did the workout and never used the tools to help get me into better shape. But I won’t sell it. I look at it and think, “Wow. One day I should do that”. But I never do. Then I see a commercial for some Zumba workout and actually consider buying it. Why are we like that folks? I know I will never use it but still want it!!! WTH?!?!?

INSTRUCTIONS!
Some would argue that the instruction book for life is The Bible and for those that believe otherwise it is The Torah or The KORAN or the Book of Mormon or Essential Tibetan Buddhism or a personal book of Shadows or a journal of personal experience. Whatever you believe to be your instruction book, good for you and I hope it is working for you. I believe we were raised with values and morals and our instructions were passed to us through society and the knowledge we received from our caregivers whomever they might have been (yes I used whom correctly). The books I mentioned before are great when it comes to telling you how your maker wants you to live, or how your actions affect your life but honestly folks, let’s look at this from a SMALLER picture…

The Earth and its progress (or lack thereof) is a lesson of terror, experience after experience of mistakes and misguided fortune. We, as individuals have a much easier task of living and loving the best way we can, helping others and working together, making mistakes and making the right choices are all part of how we get to the end of our individual journeys.

I honestly believe that through trial and error we find the path through the right and wrong choices and therefore the instructions we have been given, or not given, are not as specific as we think.
All the books I mentioned above have one truth that is constant. LOVE
I think if we love each other, if we love all things and all people. If we love the animals and the Earth, if we love our families and our love ourselves and yes even if we love our God, or our religious knowledge and our experience, we cannot truly go wrong.

The truth to this post is, There IS no right or wrong if you have love in your heart when you choose.

There is no error when you face your trials with love oozing out of your pours!

Your instruction books, with all the inspiration and meaning, all their guidance and stipulations, mean much much more to your everyday life when you read them with LOVE in your heart, with love in your eyes and with love in your hands.

I hope all of you have a blessed day, look at the sun that is shining or the rain that is falling or the wind that is blowing and remember to smile because you are even alive to witness it!
LOVE YOU ALL!

A pretty important post! I wanna motivate you like you have motivate me!

What is one thing that you have learned about yourself over the past eight months of 2011?

What is one thing you have noticed that you feel that you did not feel at the beginning of 2011?

What is the name of one person that you feel differently about since January 1, 2011?

Now give three things you can leave behind you.

This is not a test; it’s not even a pop-quiz. What I want to do with the answers to these questions is to get you to see where you are, how far you have come and where you have to point yourself and the position you need to be in to move forward.

I have hit a road block over the past week. I know this because U2 is on my CD player, I have no fruit in the house and I am sleeping past 6am. (Not every day but most days)

I got a facebook message from one of my oldest friends yesterday that made me realize that this blog has made my journey more than just MY JOURNEY. IT has become OUR Journey and my motivation and my excitement is also some of your motivation and excitement. I am helping other people, especially those of you that know me or have seen my pictures, believe that they can do something about their own issues too. The person that messaged me is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known but she has some body issues since the birth of her last child that have been giving her trouble and she is motivated in part by this blog. That message lit a fire under my butt and re-motivated me to first and foremost kick my own ass, and then secondly, clean my act up and get back to work. So today I am deep cleaning my house, getting in a hard core work out, I’m going to go buy some fruit and veggies and get back on track. I plan on more and more posts and some re-posts from the past and I am renewing my commitment to everyone to be there again for them and their goals as they have been there for mine! This moment is going to PASS!!!

One thing I have learned about myself since 1-1-11… I’m not a bad looking guy, II am starting to feel attractive, and I have NEVER felt that, in my whole life. I deserve to be liked, even loved and I am going to promote myself more because of it!

One thing I feel now that I didn’t in 2010… I can still be whatever I want to be and I can STILL accomplish my goals. I thought life was nearing its end for me before and I don’t feel that way anymore. Its confidence and it’s pretty freaking spectacular!

One person I feel differently about…well that is a lot of people because I see that people treat you differently when they think you don’t care about yourself, but the one person I feel differently about is ME! I feel like I have a soul, like I have a future, I feel like I am worth knowing, worth loving and worth caring about. I want to know me, I want to Love me and I want to care about me, I have never felt like that before either.
Three things I can leave behind… At the beginning of this journey I would have said McDonalds, Little Debbie and Wild Cherry Pepsi, but as my food addictions weaken, I see some more important things to leave behind…

1. Fear, I’m not scared to move, scared to run, scared to be me and scared to chase my life.
2. Regret, I used to tell people that I never knew regret. The truth is I regret smarting off to my Pap-pap when I was 12, I regret lying to my parents about all the silly stuff I used to lie about and losing their trust as a teenager because of it, I regret not being there more for Cesalee, I regret spending so many years in limbo and despair over my son’s death. I regret weighing 420 pounds. I regret my regret. Now I can let it all go!
3. The 90’s, I loved my 20’s, I had the greatest time, the music the friends the beach the entire life was amazing, I made a lot of mistakes but I would not trade any of it…But I have spent most of my thirties trying to find my twenties again and I know that is never going to happen. I still have and will always have the love for my friends and I hope that they will always be there, but I really miss those days… A large part of my weight gain and my depression came from not understanding that I can never have those days back. They are gone and I am older and I have to move forward or wilt away…so 1990’s…farewell!!!

SO these are my answers, what are yours?

I have found that an evaluation period is good. I got some advice from someone recently that I needed to step back take a deep breath and look over things for a few days and make my choices with a clear head. I have done that and it was great advice, I am so grateful for advice like that.

I can’t let a stupid picture that I am disappointed in get me off my program; I shouldn’t misunderstand my slowed weight loss and interpret it as failure. I shouldn’t worry that a possible bounced check is going to ruin my life (long story). People understand mistakes, misinterpretations are a part of life and a picture is what it is. An IMAGE! If we don’t like our image, we should change it.

Well I have babbled on long enough. I hope I have remotivated you in some way, or when you feel bad or lost I hope you will refer back to this post and gain hope.

Stand up Straight, Carry your own weight and get going! We have places to go!!!!

Lesson learned! NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

Sometimes I get so frustrated at my progress, or the amount of time my progress seems to be taking, I forget that it is still, PROGRESS.

I have overcome some serious stuff in my life that I have and have not talked about in this blog, I want to take this to a more in depth place right now…

I have lived with Advanced Promelocytic Myeloid Leukemia subtype M3 since I was 26 years old…

I have been overweight most of my life and have succeeded in loosing over eighty pounds since January 2011…

I lost a son in 1996.

I have been dancing around the truth concerning my private life out of fear of who it might hurt and what people might think…

I have overcome Diabetes and high Blood Pressure, two illnesses that have held me mentally captive since I was a kid. Watching my Dad's UNcle die from Diabetes and several other family members die from heart problems I have been petrified of them for most of my life, and being diagnosed with both at the same time woke me up!

I have worked very hard to get to a place in my life where my career would flourish, and it is finally flourishing!!!

I have helped raise the most amazing daughter in the history of the world!

I have found someone that I find interesting and fun to be around. I am getting to know this person and feel really good about how things are going!

SO now I want to know why I let a picture of me, taken twelve weeks ago, make me so angry… Why am I allowing this to affect me this way?

Through all of the things in my life, good and bad, I have had a huge problem being patient enough to endure. I have given up and given in when I should have worked a little harder and waited a little longer for slightly better results.

Today I talked to three people about my feelings and my life.
The first person was my trainer, who could tell I was feeling down about the slow progress and reassured me and promised to be there to see me through the physical part of this journey and completely made me feel like I was his most important client! GREAT GUY!!!

The second person I talked to was a relative that has advanced certification and an amazing amount of knowledge about nutrition. He (while on vacation) took time in the middle of a thirty mile bike ride, to talk to me and get a feel for what I am going through and even sent me some material that helped me see the reality behind what I am undertaking by changing my life. I AM CHANGING MY LIFE…IT is going to take a long time to do this and I may never see the body I want to see in the mirror. I may never have the self esteem to be able to see my own self worth, but one thing is for DAMN sure…I will never stop seeking it!

I will never go back to the person I was, the person that didn’t care, that was scared to continue that would rather die than persevere.

The third person that I talked to was a friend; someone I have been wanting to say something too for a while, but something was holding me back… I am glad I did it too!!!

I don’t know what happened to me this evening; I don’t know what happened to me earlier when I was so discouraged. I do know that I reached out to some people that could help me and they didn’t let me down!

I am taking a step back, taking deep breath, smiling again and getting ready for what lies ahead!

It’s going to be a great fall! Stick around!

sometimes things just dont feel as good as they should. END OF THE 12 WEEK TRANSFORMATION!

Well I just completed my twelve week transformation and have opted not to post the before and aftr pics for two reasons...first I cant figure out how to resize the picture from my email into a file that will fit, and second, I am pretty discouraged by the lack of difference in the before and after pics...

I started at 323 pounds and finished at 302, I lost 21 pounds, GREAT!!!
I started at
hips, 52 inches
waist 54 inches
chest 57 inches
bicep 14 inches
thigh 23 inches

I finished at
hips, 50 inches
waist, 52 inches
chest, 54 inches
bicep, 14 inches
thigh, 21 inches

I am thrilled to see the inches melting away, but I am pretty pissed off at those pictures.

I am not giving up, I am training harder, tweeking my nutrition and planning for bigger and better things, but I gotta be honest...

I am sick and tired of seeing this fat in the mirror and nothing else in the world pisses me off more than seeing the one thing that I CAN change about myself, stay the same!

I get pissed off at the evil in the world and the crime and the wrong doing, but I seriously hate my fat more! It is an obbsession, it controls ever decision and holds sway over every thought...Those of you with weight problems understand this, I know you do.
My weight controls my successes and failures, it prevents and provides, it saddens and hurts and is the single most destructive part of my being. Yes even more destructive than my big mouth! I blame myself for turning to food for my entire life, for not having the strength and courage to get out into the world and face my detractors, to face my demons and for shelving my true self and replacing "me" with burgers and shakes.
I hope no one reading this feels the way I do right now, but I know some of you do...
What, then can we do to change what we have done to ourselves?

Come to terms with it "all"~!~

We are in control of who we are and what we do, Finding the will power to stop the destructive patterns that keep us in our place of terror is the ONLY WAY to find our way to become the people we know we are way down deep.

Will can mean alot of things, the will to believe in ourselves, the will to seek help, the will to stop destructive behavior and the will to change.(not just the will to put the burger down, although that is important too)!

We were given free will, The choice is ours...

I gotta go work out...

Try this instead of that...

a nut and gluten free alternative to peanut butter!!! its AWESOME and tastes great!!!

Something for you to do today!!!

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I am proud of so many people in my life. I am happy that so many of the people I love and am close to have the power of courage and the strength of character to be who they are and to stand up for things they believe in.

I am not so proud of myself.

I know this may come as a shock to a lot of you, but I don’t have the best self esteem and I don’t always see in myself the good qualities that others see in me. I think that is why I struggle so much with so many things. I also think there are real reasons why I can’t see those things in myself. A lot of you feel the same way.

I DO have a strong character and powerful courage, but it all falls short when it comes to me or my life. I think that is because I have been quite satisfied to just let myself down. Low expectations, after all, yield low results.

Recently I became involved with the “it gets better” campaign and the “Trevor Project” to raise awareness for the anti bullying cause worldwide.

I have spent decades trying to find a way to help people somehow...Big Brothers, the Leukemia Society, Shriner’s, St Jude’s, all wonderful causes, all very dear to me, but I didn’t feel half as good working with those groups as I did after making and posting a thirty second video to the you tube campaign for It Gets Better. While beating cancer and being a mentor are big parts of my life, being bullied has been a huge factor in most of my life.

I remember being bullied in Kindergarten. I was called names, pushed around and teased by family, friends and even some of the people reading this, well let’s face it folks, most of the people reading this. When I was a 7 year old at the swimming pool my cousin Billy bullied me because of my weight, another cousin and my Aunt bullied me because of my demeanor when I was 14 during a summer vacation and we haven’t been close since. I was laughed at, tripped up, teased and hit by bullies from the time I first rode the school bus at the age of 5 all the way through present day. I get bullied now because of my profession, by adults.

I think I am unable to feel proud of my own accomplishments as an adult because of the way I have been perceived and because of the way I been treated my whole life. It may even affect my ability to love, romantically. It has affected how I deal with people and how what I expect from myself.

I am not posting this for your pity, or for your tears, or even for your support, I am a big boy now, I don’t need or want any of it…What I want, the reason for this post, the reason for all of what I do this for, is your anger!

I demand that everyone, reading this post, get pissed off! I require that in order for you to make amends for the bullying you know you have done in your life, I am guilty too. STAND UP NOW! Tell your kids, your grandkids and your neighbors, the strangers you see mistreating others, to STOP!

Make yourself get up and put your foot down. Tell your kids that everyone deserves respect, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and everyone deserves someone on their side.

Don’t make excuses for this behavior, don’t chalk it up to being a kid, kids grow up and become adults, adults with regret for being a bully, or adults scarred from being bullied. Which one are you?

Each one of you can remember an instance from your life when you were treated badly or when you were the bully. Share the experience with someone, apologize to them for it (even if they aren’t the one involved) and make it a point to dedicate some part of you to stop it from happening to someone else.

Bullying happens everywhere. I went to a church once where a preacher was bullied out of his job by a handful of the congregation that disliked him. I went to a school once where fourth graders were bullied by a mean OLD woman that hated kids but still had the nerve to be a teacher. I went to another school where the students bullied a teacher because he seemed gay to them, I worked at a salon once where 21 year old stylist was mooed at for being just a few pounds overweight. I have seen people get away with it all my life and I am tired of it. Aren’t you?

Make every place you are at, a safe zone for everyone. Demand that hate and bullying be left outside and stomp it out when you see it.

If you don’t want to do it for the kids being bullied today, do it to help reconcile the bullying you were involved in or witnessed as a kid, or even the bullying you were involved in or witnessed yesterday.
JUST DO IT!

Have a great weekend, let’s Stand up and stop bullying together!

Why am I still trying!!??

What are some of the reasons we give others as to why we stop caring so much about our health?
What are some of the excuses we give others as to why we stop caring about our well being?

I have spent years starting to care about how I look and feel and then I just stop caring. I still to this day don’t know why I do that. I also don’t know what is happening this time that is so different than all of the other times when I did not succeed.

Every time I think I want to give in and go get a Big stinky Mac, or a Milk Death Shake, I add a word to it to make me think twice about it…I don’t think that is it though.,,

Every time I make a big meal I cut a portion out of it and freeze the rest so I won’t eat more than I should… I don’t think that is why though.

Every time I see the size thirty-six jeans (thanks Aaron and Dean) hanging in my dining room, it reminds me that I am only three sizes away from wearing them, but I don’t think that is either.

Every time I go to work and forget to take my lunch I think about just ordering from the Mexican restaurant next door, but instead I go get some yogurt and fruit, but I don’t think that’s it either.

Every time I think I might not get up and work out I lay out my workout mat and weights before I go to bed. It leads me to work out in the am and I feel guilty if I put it away and don’t work out…But I don’t think that’s it.

Every time I want to sleep in and forget the workout and the morning routine, I say to myself, “GET THE HELL UP ROBERTO!!! (Nope not the reason either)

Every time I think I might give up I think of this blog and the people that read what I write and I don’t ever want to let them down, but that’s not it either.

Every time I see a pic of Cesalee I realize that I can only be a good example to my kid if I am alive to be a good example to my kid, but that isn’t the reason either, DAMMIT!!

I don’t know what the reason could possibly be as to why I am so different and why my life has become so different.

I can’t figure out why I am continuing to lose weight. I don’t get why I still care and I certainly don’t get why any of you are still interested…Until I read all of the things above.
1. I don’t eat fast food anymore
2. I don’t eat more than I should
3. I have a goal, several actually, and those jeans are part of that goal
4. I stay on target when I can and even though I still have my weak moments, I still do the best I can
5. I am seeing big changes in my body from the size of my arms, the size of my neck to the size of my biceps all the way to the size of my, well, I will let you guess what I am talking about, everything is changing for the better and I will NEVER stop working out, especially since I have a great guy like Daniel training me to be better than I ever knew I could be.
6. There are only 24 hours in each day and I sleep long enough, I don’t want to ever miss a thing because I want to sleep late!
7. This blog is part of my vast support system, people are counting on me and I am helping people like me believe in themselves and be the people they were meant to be!
8. I NEVER want my fat ass to be the reason I leave Cesalee. I have won too many physical battles from diabetes and blood pressure issues to Leukemia and by GOD, fat isn’t gonna take me from the Earth!

So you see, it isn’t any of those things that keep me going, ITS ALL OF THEM! And much much more!!!

I want to keep my life going and I want to live better and feel better every day, and I want you to join me!
I love you all and can’t wait to hear from you!!!

NO biggie

No big, long post trying to inspire you today, no workout routine or cooking ideas, just this....

Sometimes a smile is all we need....Have a great day everyone!!!

Promises! Don't let em go bad!

What promises do we make and what promises do we keep? What kind of people are we if we constantly break the promises we make to others? What about the promises we make to ourselves?
I find myself telling people things all the time and not following through. I don’t believe I intend to let people down but I end up doing it anyway. I did it to myself everyday for thirty years, If I cant keep my word to me, how can I keep it to you?
One thing I have learned on my Journey is that the harder I work on my spirit my mind and my body, the stronger and more focused I become. I am more able to do the things I promise my daughter that I will do, I become more able to take care of the details of my life that I used to let fall behind. Even simple things like washing dishes and cutting grass are no longer a dreaded routine, but an exciting part of my day, ok exciting was the wrong word but you get my point.
The ability to keep my promises and to do the ‘little’ things I used to put off is making me focus more also on my future and is making me think bigger more independent thoughts. There are BIG decisions concerning career and retirement and the possibility of more family in the future (before I am too old) to be made. I don’t need to continually ask, what should I do and why and how. I now tell myself, “Let’s do it” and “this is the right direction for you”. I still love getting advice from friends and boy do I ever ask them for it too! I am now more apt, though, to follow my own agenda, my own heart and my own fairly intelligent mind.
This walk I am taking down the roads of my life (I am becoming a cliché) is changing me in ways I never would have guessed, never would have imagined and is going to end up taking me places I have never dreamed I would go.
I am excited right now because there are MANY different paths my life is taking me in, and the only ones I refuse to go down…are the ones that are behind me!
Have a great Sunday and look for more posts soon!!!
LOVE YOU ALL! And a special shout out to the guys that read my blog in Pakistan and Afghanistan, keep on keeping us safe! Also to my faithful reader and old friend from Germany, Angelika!! Miss you!!!

SMILE and LOVE....That is all we should be doing anyway!

There is ALWAYS a better way to deal with the bad things that happen to you then engaging in destructive behavior. Now I guess destruction could be defined as any action which depletes or disrupts an object through demolition... That can be taken many ways. I choose to publicize my feelings rather than get revenge or break things, but some people may see me as being destructive toward relationships. I guess what I am trying to say is. Eating poorly turning to drugs or disappearing for days or weeks at a time is in no way going to make the situation improve; it will only further hurt your already strained existence.
Today when you are driving to or from work and that jerk pulls out in front of you and you want to flip him off, or the older woman decided to argue with you because you are not in touch with her generation and you want to dismiss her or when your server gets your order wrong and you want to scream, imagine I am there with you smiling and calmly telling you that this will in no way affect your many tomorrows and you should let it go. We cannot control the actions of other people; we are not in control of the car they drive, their mentality or their pens and pencils. All we can do is coach them by a smiling example of what mankind should do when faced with adversity; Smile and Love!
Have a great weekend, I know I will!!!!!

Something to say about all that

Sometimes after you have had a long rough day, and your feelings have been hurt and your confidence is freyed and your friends seem to disagree with you for feeling the way you do, the best thing to do is....ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!

I wont comment on what happened because there is a chance that I took it the wrong way. The person that hurt me probably didnt mean too and was more than likely doing what she did to protect her own interests and I cant blame her for that.

It takes some sleep, some focus on something else and a clear mind, to forgive and move on. Especially when the only person hurting was me. I would never confront this person anyway and no matter what anyone thinks, for me that is the best course of action.

How do you re-adjust when you have been disappointed by someone you care about? Do you over analize things like I do? Do you get mad and let it spill all over the place like other people might do? Do you act like it doesnt bother you while secretly plotting your revenge? Really friends, does any of that make the problem go away? If you cant rationalize the situation, and if you cant confront the individual(s), then just got to bed, and wake up refreshed. Last night I focused on business till around 3am, went to bed for a few hours then got up and worked out and the issue feels alot better and I can almost understand why my friend did what she did.

MY point here folks is, no matter how old we are and how mature we think we are and how confident we are in ourselves,we are all still learning and this journey ends when we die! (so fix up your vehicle and keep it fueled so you can make it to the finish line)

Those of you that know the story, only know my side of it, so please dont judge this woman for what happened. It was probably very innocent.

NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!

Its been a weird month... I have been working out and eating right, at least I believe I have been eating right, but my weight has barely changed at all.

I have been trying really hard to figure out what the hell is up with that!!!
Part of me believed that because I am working our more and my body is changing, I need more fuel-food, proteins and vitamins and less filler, like rice cakes and special k bars.

So I talked to my trainer and we revamped my nutrition and we are now revamping my eating schedule so that I get the most out of my fuel, and a special friend has provided me with the bike that I can extend my physical activity to places outside the farm.

I fully expect to see BIG changes this week and lots of new and exciting posts from it...

The point here is folks, the old me would have given up and went to McDonalds, the new me is getting pissed off enough to work harder and that's where the WIN comes in!

TTmembers.com....check it out. ALSO check out Daniel's new post at TRUHEALTHQUEST.com awesome info!!!

Something for the good of your spirit!

So who are these people in our lives that we see day after day that we are suffering. We see them living out of their cars, on the street, unemployed, begging for help. Do you ever give them some of your pocket change? Do you ever buy them a bottle of water or a cup of coffee? Do you speak to them?
No matter what you think of the people you see on the street, the needy or the destitute, they have something in common with you…they are human. As human beings they deserve the same rights, considerations, respect and empathy that you do. The sad thing is, we laugh, sneer and shun them. We suppose that they make a ton of money begging and we dismiss them as frauds. We are the frauds.

Does anyone remember back when I helped the homeless guy catch his loose dog and then offered him a free haircut in the parking lot of the gas station in Cherokee Springs? It was a little embarrassing and a little humbling, but it was tremendously appreciated and that man is hopefully teaching at a school in Atlanta now, back on his feet. Maybe not, but at least I gave him the benefit of the doubt and the belief that he could accomplish something with what had become a rather sad state of being.

How many times in your life have you seen someone on the street, or in Wal-Mart, or even at work that smelled bad, or was in need of something that you could easily help them with? How many times did you help? Did you look the other way, or stare blankly ahead hoping not to meet their gaze, waiting nervously for the light to turn green when we encountered them at a red light? Have we become that disengaged from the plight of the needy that we think we are too good to help?

I have a feeling that over the next few years some of the people reading this blog might be in bad need of help. I think the country as a whole will see more and more homeless and desperate men and women and yes, even children.

Horry County SC has hundreds of kids living on the street that still attend high school. The school system is doing its best to help them.

Spartanburg SC has an amazing soup kitchen that feeds hundreds.

Asheville has a endangered Women's shelter in the middle of its prominent downtown area.

What are you doing to help the needy? Anything? Nothing?

I want to challenge each of you to dedicate some of your time this week to do SOMETHING toward your fellow man, even if you feel like you need the charity and don’t have a penny to give.Give someone a can of food, or some of your time, or some old clothing or sell something and donate the money or just speak to these people or smile at them, for God’s sake, for the sake of your soul, for the sake of your children. Prove to yourself that love is boundless,boundary-less and that every person on the planet is worth something to you. They are to me.
I hope everyone has the most beautiful day possible and don’t forget that if you are worth more than you think, that alone should increase your neighbors value and the value of the man on the street!

Go Do Something about it!!!!